Men in tights…tight tights


Forgive me if I sound traditional, but I like men to be men. I’m a heterosexual girl (although Rachel Weisz would definitely get it) and enjoy being around manly men. I do not understand this widely publicised need for men to be more feminine. I know I am probably opening myself up to a politically correct backlash, but to hell with it, I can be silent no longer.

I understand that no-one should be pigeon-holed into being something that they’re not, whether it be by their family, their partners or society. I understand that women can be strong, just as much as men can be gentle. I do not have a problem with this. But much like women are encouraged to look like celebrities and perform like pornstars in the bedroom by the media, men are now encouraged to manscape. Man-what I hear you cry? For those of you who are lucky enough to not have experienced this weird phenomenon, it is where a man prunes himself like horticultural bush (pun intended).

Men are now a common feature in beauty salons. They get their nails done, their eyebrows threaded, their back’s waxed and their man-areas trimmed and styled into, for all I know, an excited dolphin. Not only that, they now like to wear tight-fitting clothes, v-necked t-shirts that show off their man-cleavage and have more hair products than you can shake a tic-tac at.

I just don’t get it. I know that I am now in a minority and many girls like a beautifully sculpted man. Hey, don’t get me wrong, some are alright to look at, much like admiring a beautiful black stallion. But I wouldn’t want to get one myself. It’d be high maintenance, prone to temper tantrums, everyone else would be wanting to ride it and if it got wind of an open door, you wouldn’t see it for dust.

A well known electric shaving company, says 70% of men now man-scape. Now don’t confuse this with shaving your face. Some people suit beards, others do not. There have been barbers around since the dark ages. So shaving your face and trimming your beard is an acceptable practice. Even the nose hair (and ear hair if you’re that unfortunate) is perfectly fine. But manscaping is removing and styling hair on your body, not your face. From chest hair, to arm hair, even leg hair and not forgetting the crown jewels. And most admit to doing it to gain confidence and for the benefit of their other halves. Please tell me why are we are encouraging our men into beauty regimes? Why are we now attracted to more feminine looking men? We are in the age of metrosexuality and I don’t like it. It creeps me out.

Good old Wikipedia’s explanation of it; The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.

Yeah. I don’t find that attractive in a man I’m afraid. But each to their own I suppose, there are plenty of women out there that do, so it’s certainly filling a gap in the market. I on the other hand, am happy that my man comes home from hard graft, a bit grubby round the edges. That he wears clothes that fit him and doesn’t give a shit what people think. He has a beard. Not to be a fucking hipster, but because he can’t be bothered to shave. He hates the fact I spend so much time on my image. I love him a little bit more everytime he says that I look prettier when I roll out of bed without makeup on, then when I’ve spent an hour in front of the mirror. Maybe more women should consider saying that the next time their boyfriend offers to book in to get your waxes done together.

Maybe it’s just a phase. Much like the new romantics in the 80’s. We got over that pretty quickly. Men should be happy in their own skin, as should women. There are plenty of articles about how women should feel empowered with their natural beauty. Well, so should men. Enjoy your manliness (achem, I’m sure you do regularly) and stop trying to prune yourself into something you’re not. Leave that to hipsters. I have a whole separate plan for them. *evil laugh*

5 thoughts on “Men in tights…tight tights

  1. Oh, I hate the Metrosexuals! I would deport them to form their own country if I could. What’s wrong in being a man? A little rough, sweaty, unkempt? I could never figure it out, unless maybe this is how the feminists are taking revenge against men for millennia of subjugation….. Hmm….

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