High five to the face


Everyone feels under appreciated. I don’t know one person who thinks that they receive adequate praise for what they do on a daily basis. Whether that be work, being a parent or just everyday stuff. Usually that stuff doesn’t get to you, you brush it off knowing you do a good job and that is enough. Because someone will occasionally say thank you and you know it’s been worthwhile. But sometimes, that’s not enough. Occasionally people need to know they’re taking the piss. And sometimes, as the saying goes, they need a high five. To the face. With a chair.

Like when you pull over in your car to let someone pass and they don’t give you the obligatory nod or raise their hand in appreciation….that’s irritating right? Sure if you’ve had a good day and you’re singing along to ‘Happy’ by Pharrell and the sun is shining, you might fleetingly think ‘Jerk’ and move on. But sometimes that shit puts you in a bad mood. Or when you get to work and find that in the hours when no-one’s been in the locked office, that some seat gremlin has adjusted your desk chair. Huh. That’s a bit annoying. You spend the next 10 minutes using the various levers and buttons to get your chair back to how it was. You can’t. Someone’s messed with your chair and now it’s ruined for ever. You will never be comfortable again.

If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ll know it’s a strange environment. There are people in there that you become ever-lasting friends with and even when you or they leave, they’re still on your favourite people list. There are some people that are work buds, you have a laugh and a joke with, share cute stories about your pets/children, but essentially in real life, they’re probably not someone you would hang out with for whatever reason. Then there’s the one….ok sometimes there might be more than one. The one who’s sweet to your face and a complete troll behind your back. The one that makes comments that to anyone with an untrained ear, might think are nice, but actually it’s a little dig. They know it and you know it. Or the people that are just genuinely arseholes. They don’t give a flying fuck what you or anyone else thinks and will just be awkward and obstructive because it amuses them. There’s the lazy one, who does jack shit but manages to do it so well, that nobody but you notices. And they still get praise for things, sometimes for work you’ve pretty much done for them. Or there’s the one with a massive chip on their shoulder, who thinks they’re just the best thing since sliced bread and they think their opinions are the solutions to the worlds problems. Like no-ones thought of that yet. You’re not cool, kitsch or original. You’re just a dick. There might be one person who fits all these descriptions, or there might be multiple people taking on these ‘how to be a fucktard at work’ roles. Most of the time, you don’t even notice them. If you’re a pretty chilled person, these people don’t even enter onto your radar and you can blissfully be ignorant to all the office shit that flies about completely over your head. I was like that once.

I knew nothing of office politics. I didn’t even know any gossip. Some drama could literally unfold next to me and I wouldn’t find out about it till the next day when people were talking about it. People in general didn’t annoy me. I just got on with my day without letting the small, petty shit get to me. Something however has changed. Maybe it’s my age. Now I’m in my thirties, I cannot tolerate people like I used to. I struggle to put my ‘polite’ face on at work and the ‘be nice’ filter has got so clogged up with other people’s crap that most days I have to physically restrain myself from screaming ‘shut the fuck up nobody cares’ on several occasions. I don’t know what happened. My ‘deal with bullshit’ switch is faulty and my resting bitch face is a constant theme. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a laugh and joke with people I like, work isn’t all bad, plus you know you get paid and stuff for showing up.

So, yeah. If you hear about some girl, losing her shit, throwing chairs in people’s faces and shoving keyboards up people’s arses, it’s probably me having a bad day. All that my work colleagues can be thankful for is that I come home to a house filled with people/animals who are awesome and there is always wine available. If those things collectively fail, forget the zombie apocalypse….it’ll be Vixageddon. Take cover and make sure you carry an emergency stash of cheese. You never know when it might come in handy.

15 thoughts on “High five to the face

  1. Hahaha! Am doing a temp job with people who fit the exact description…i still manage to ignore the b/s though. Just jam my headphones on even without music on days i don’t want to be interrupted. Epic!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Abso-fuckin-lutely! There’s always the one who pretends they’re the boss, tells you how to do your job whilst simultaneously failing to do theirs. I LOVE those types!

    Is it bad I get double the bullshit what with having two jobs? LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

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